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1. |
20 Years Ago Today
04:17
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I don't know how to feel when they talk about downtown
How the area's been "cleaned up," you should go and check it out
There are holes inside that euphemism big enough to walk through
On your way to lunch at that new place that used to be a factory for vacuums
The streets are getting cleaner, man
I'm not sure what to think
Half the time it looks like progress
Half the time it looks like greed
I'm coming up with reasons that it's okay
I'd always like to believe they didn't mean it that way
When they say it's really wonderful what they've done with this place
You should have seen it twenty years ago today
I've been thinking 'bout the Dunlap, all the years that place has seen
A stubborn stack of blue bricks on its narrow namesake street
It's been there since '36, I hope they never tear it down
Still I wonder what it thought of when it saw me come to town
Dilapidated storefronts are transforming all around
They finally built that soccer stadium and crime is going down
But the block is changing colors, you can almost see the line
It's inching along Vine Street, getting closer all the time
The rents are getting higher, man
I don't like what I see
Tried to diagnose the problem
Now I'm worried that it's me
I'm coming up with reasons that it's okay
I'd always like to believe I didn't mean it that way
But am I pushing out the people who were here before it changed?
Hope my neighbors all don't look at me that way
I can't stop thinking 'bout the way that I grew up
And I wanna pay it back, but I could never pay enough
Start to wonder "Should I bother feeling guilty for good luck?"
‘Cause I don't know exactly who that will help
I'm trying to do the right thing
I swear to God I'm trying to do the right thing
I'm trying to do the right thing
I swear to God I'm trying to do the right thing
So I've been going out on Saturdays to fix some houses up
Made some lunches for the soup kitchen down there in OTR
I don't know how to fix it all, it feels so far beyond me
But I can swing a hammer if you need me
Yeah, I could be your neighbor if you'll have me
I'm trying to do the right thing
I swear to God I'm trying to do the right thing
They say that nothing ever stays the same
I'm worried that it's true
I'll try not to be the problem
Guess that's all that I can do
‘Cause I want to be the reason that it's okay
I do believe there is a path for inclusive change
And I don't wanna crack the foundation, just wanna be a part
If you can't see that on my face, hope you can see it in my heart
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2. |
Company Man
04:50
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It took me thirty years in this industry
To admit that it's no place for family
You can ask my first two wives about that
‘Cause I spend more nights on hotel sheets
My friends have learned not to count on me
For anything but Christmas cards and texts
But it didn't always used to be this way
There just came a time when we had bills to pay
I was ready then to sign my life away
Hoping it would all pay off someday
Anyone who says they live without regrets
They just haven't been tested yet
They just haven't been tested yet
‘Cause you don't know the meaning of sacrifice
'Til you've got this hollow look inside your eyes
I'm not afraid to die
I did that years ago
I did it all for the ones I love
I just hope someday they'll know
Are you thirsty, kid? I've got this round
We've known each other a while now
If memory serves, you started here in June
I'd like to know what you want from life
I can tell you now what I got from mine
I rode ambition like a bull 'til it knocked me loose
Put myself through school on the GI bill
A company man living on goodwill
Didn't know how to feed a family but I had to try
I never found that balance dad told me to keep
He always knew when I went out too deep
But the year we lost him I got taken by the tide
I started dreaming that my teeth were falling out
Breaking promises that I made to myself
Always said if it got bad then I'd get out
Now I'm feeling out of place in my own house
Anyone who says they live without regrets
They just haven't been tested yet
They just haven't been tested yet
‘Cause you don't know the meaning of sacrifice
'Til you've got this hollow look inside your eyes
I'm not afraid to die
I did that years ago
I did it all for the ones I love
Now they won't pick up the phone
Always thought when I got older, I could make up for lost time
But as the top of the hourglass empties out, I'm starting to realize
There's not one laugh left in my lungs
So kid, hold on to what you love
Promise me
Promise me
'Cause I don't want you to live with these regrets
You haven't been ruined yet
You haven't been ruined yet
You've got the chance to learn from my mistakes
It don't have to be this way
It don't have to be this way
I'm not afraid to die
I did that years ago
But you hold onto the ones you love
Don't you ever let them go
Promise me
Promise me
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3. |
Luciferase
03:07
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There's an enzyme inside of a firefly
That makes it light up, think I read that online once
I can't recall the name, but I think you've got it in your eyes
Honestly I've never read poetry
But I've been studying molecular biology
And I think I could be the substrate that you need
I'm guessing that's the first time
Someone's ever used that line
I almost talked myself out of it on the way
And if I have any luck
It won't scare you away
I’ve heard zebrafish have got skin you can see through
Think I know the feeling ‘cause you're seeing through me too
It's like my internal organs are on display
But the thoughts that I've been thinking have been giving me hope
So lay me down under a microscope
And you'll see the parts inside start lighting up
Imagine that the grand prize
Was starting at you the whole time
I mean, statistically that's probably not true
I don't believe there's a "one"
But I could be one for you
It's entirely possible
That my life is just a theater inside my skull
And the director dropped you in the second act
To keep it from getting dull
I don't know
I hope there's a sequel
I'm thinking that existence
Just has the meaning you give it
So even if the entropy just swallows us both whole
I wanted you to know
I'll never let you go
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4. |
The Only Thing
05:34
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She said: The data side of the CD that he burned for me
Was all scratched up, you know he was always hard on his things
When it used to skip inside the changer, I’d roll my eyes
Now those little clicks just make me feel like I’m listening with him
Eighty minutes, nearly to the second
Filled it up with songs he later told me were chosen to impress
Listened as we circled all the suburbs we grew up in
Silently admitting I knew I’d always love him
Hesitation stole her voice, her eyes fell to the floor
When she was ready, she told me a little more
The only thing I ever learned from death
Is say it all while you’ve got the chance
Or wake up each day hoping that they probably got the gist
I’m going through some shit
I guess that’s obvious
I’m not even sure why I’m telling you all this
The sound of raindrops on the A/C unit hanging out the window
Actually helped me sleep last night
Because the absence on his side was too apparent to deny
Yeah, that cliched image from all the pop songs is totally true
And the full moon stared me down like a spotlight
With beams that ricocheted into my hindsight
Dreamed something vivid, tried not to forget it, scribbling half asleep
In the morning I tried to guess at what it means
Trepidation on her face, pretending to check the score
When she was ready, she told me a little more
The only thing I ever learned from death
Is motivation from regret
‘Cause the only thing that keeps me moving forward is the fear of looking back
Yeah, I’m scared
I guess that’s obvious
I’m not even sure why I’m telling you all this
I’ve been laughing
Waiting for time to make a callus from this bruise
Yeah, I’ve been laughing
Hope it’s loud enough to cover up the truth
‘Cause I still can’t bring myself to take his number out of my phone
Half the time I have to stop myself from calling
So I’ll keep laughing
At this point I don’t know else I can do
The only thing I ever learned from death
Is no one gets a second chance
Every day this week I’ve wondered if he knew that he’d be missed
I’m not over it
I’ll never get over it, I’m not even sure why I’m telling you all this
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5. |
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I know there's
Always something kinda sad about getting what you want
Like you reached for a step that wasn't there going upstairs in the dark
You cleared a spot up on the shelf for the satisfaction it would bring
But now it's just an empty space into which your heart can sink
Your apartment is a waiting room and they never call your name
I know the feeling, I can see it on your face
This might not make a lot of sense right now, but I hope it will one day
When I was your age I wish I had someone to say...
I hope you take a bunch of wrong turns
And then find a shortcut home
You're gonna learn a lot about yourself
On the nights you spend alone
They're not just being nice
When they pay you compliments
And there's not that much worth worrying about
Since nothing's permanent
So get that tattoo you always wanted
But were scared you might regret
At least the story will be funny
And someday we'll all be dead
Wear all your favorite t-shirts
Have a week of Saturdays
Find something you love so hard it hurts
And do it every single day
I hope they remember your name at the bar
Or wherever you like to go
I hope your high school crush says they liked you back
And I hope everybody knows
I hope every single person
That you think you have done wrong
Forgives you for everything forever
And then tells you to move on
I hope the doctor says it's just a cough
And all your minor chords turn major
Hope the check engine light turns off
Hope you learn to laugh at failure
And I'm not trying to be optimistic
That's just kinda how I see it
I'm not that bright, but this I think I know:
No one really has a plan
So just be kind and do the best you can
'Til the hands around your heart start letting go
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6. |
Townies
04:33
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It's a paper town on a dogeared map
A hundred versions of the same ball cap
This accent flows through our bloodline
Watered down by all this time
The kids all go to school for something
And wind up doing something else
They get born right into great big plans
Before they can think for themselves
So if I had to guess
I'd say we'll never get out of this mess
That’s why I never say never
I just think it in my head
But maybe if we're lucky
We'll grow up to be townies
Watch the home team lose and curse them out like they can hear us through the TV
Just like mom and just like dad
It's really not so bad
And we have learned not to hope for more than that
The Crow's Nest was empty Tuesday night
The usual suspects all took flight
But they don't ever get that far
The graveyard's across the street from the bar
The proverbs on the walls inside
Couldn't give you half the wisdom that you need to survive
I recognize everyone I see
Because I look like them and they look like me
So if I had to guess
I'd say you're anxious and depressed
Everybody here's got something
So we don't bother to ask
But maybe if we're lucky
We'll grow up to be townies
Learn the names of every suburb and never give up on the rivalries
It's all we've ever had
It's really not so bad
And we have learned not to hope for more than that
We only sleep during the day
We're just putting on a face
And acting like we're not all wearing costumes
But at a certain age
Everybody starts to say
"I used to"
"I used to"
And I used to
But maybe if we're lucky
We won't always be townies
No one owes us anything, it's up to us to take the leap
Collect the courage you've got left
Still screaming in your chest
And don't be ashamed to hope for more than this
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7. |
Before I Get Any Older
04:35
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She was bleeding ink from fresh tattoos
She said: I'm having a day and I just really need to see you
I parked on Callowhill between 9th and 10th
But honestly, I wouldn't hate it if I never drove that thing again
2 more shifts and 3 more days
You couldn't pay me enough to stay
And I've got a funny feeling
My whole life's about to change
I dropped a quarter in the fountain and I wished that this was over
I've got growing pains deep in my bones but I know that I'll get stronger
Pulled the fangs out of my skin
This is the fight I have to win
Before I get any older
She said: I lost my youth, I'm trying to get it back
I spent the last 5 years just trying to win, I guess I got off track
I looked at my journal from a month ago
I didn't realize how badly I wanted to let go
I've got no more debts to pay
You have taken enough from me
I've said my closing lines
Now I'm exiting the frame
I dropped a quarter in the fountain and I wished that this was over
I've got growing pains deep in my bones but I know that I'll get stronger
Pulled the fangs out of my skin
This is the fight I have to win
Before I get any older
Light poured in through the gossamer
Of the spiderwebs surrounding her
400 square feet stuffed into the back seat
Of a car she bought this time last week
She looked around with two different eyes
One was on fire, one started to cry
A thousand little moments playing in her mind
She shut the lights and said goodbye
I dropped a quarter in the fountain and I wished that this was over
I've got growing pains deep in my bones but I know that I'll get stronger
Pulled the fangs out of my skin
This is the fight I have to win
Before I get any older
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8. |
Petrified Wood
06:25
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I'm petrified wood standing still in a forest
I'm turning to stone, my insides replaced with
Amethyst, azurite, and chalcedony
Since the mountain bled out over my friends and me
I'm gonna be prettier one day
Once the volcanic ash has its way with my face
All these minerals will take the shape of my veins
And leave me frozen in place
But I'm gonna shine
You'll just have to cut me down to see it inside
I'll be fine
I'll pretend that I meant to lay down for a while
The call of the void whispers into my ear
And I’m struggling to think of why I can hear
It’s a long way to fall but somehow I don't fear it
Though when I was younger I wouldn't go near it
I'm gonna be stronger one day
Or at least just resigned enough to live unafraid
To step off that cliff and stop running away
I will own up to every mistake
Whenever I die
I hope I come up with a good parting line
I will try
To go out with grace for once in my life
I'm covered over
In four-leaf clovers
I've had all the luck anybody could ask for
So I'm stuck here wondering "why haven't I done more?"
I hope you'll accept what I have to offer
'Cause it won't be long before this is all over
And statues are all that remain
Of the trees that stood tall through the surge and the rain
Whenever it's time
I'd like to remain on this hill by your side
Friends of mine
You can carve your initials right into my side
In the wake of disaster, we all become statues
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